A Dog's Diary

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A Dog's Diary

Post by Jim, Amy & Charli » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 06:03:58



*A dog's Diary *

5:30am:  Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper hitting
the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the
paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house
was yet awake!  I roused my master by***ing him in the face.  He appeared
very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms.
His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is
I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though:  He didn't go into
work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking
coffee.
He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

7:30am:  Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their yard,
obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house.  Snarling and barking, I
let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from
limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion.
This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn.  My master
added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the people
couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

10:00am:  I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying
had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It's not easy being a dog.

1:00pm:  I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it's true he
left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me
on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd
skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth.  The roast
was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don't want to seem
ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my
idea of a delicacy.

2:00pm:  Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was
furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my
present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris
and raving in a most irrational fashion.  I'm sorry, but he should know that
I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began rolling up
a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door,
which was fortunately open just a crack.

4:00pm:  Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I was
able to mark territory for two blocks.  "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto.
We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread
served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran into that
rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he
think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer
from down the road?  Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who
couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the
pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

5:00pm:  What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention
to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile.  After several days
in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I rolled in
the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively
radiated eau de roadkill.  Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know
what he's missing.

6:00pm:  Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul mood,
made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me
several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became
drenched, and in the end he was shivering.  Why in the world does he do
stuff like this?

9:00pm:  Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's
home.  Ah, the life of a dog.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by javala » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 06:07:47


that's a delight :)
thanks, andrea
 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Jerry How » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 11:37:13


Perfect. That's why Jerry trains dogs. Jerry's student's dogs don't do
those things because their people got SENSE enough to LISTEN to Jerry.
Jerry.



Quote:
> *A dog's Diary *

> 5:30am:  Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper
hitting
> the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating
the
> paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the
house
> was yet awake!  I roused my master by***ing him in the face.  He
appeared
> very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his
arms.
> His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since
it is
> I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though:  He didn't go
into
> work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and
drinking
> coffee.
> He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

> 7:30am:  Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their
yard,
> obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house.  Snarling and
barking, I
> let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them
from
> limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the
invasion.
> This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn.  My
master
> added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the
people
> couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

> 10:00am:  I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was
lying
> had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It's not easy being a
dog.

> 1:00pm:  I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it's
true he
> left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat
for me
> on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish
he'd
> skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth.  The
roast
> was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don't want to seem
> ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is
hardly my
> idea of a delicacy.

> 2:00pm:  Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and
was
> furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering
my
> present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other
debris
> and raving in a most irrational fashion.  I'm sorry, but he should
know that
> I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began
rolling up
> a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front
door,
> which was fortunately open just a crack.

> 4:00pm:  Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I
was
> able to mark territory for two blocks.  "Drip 'til you drop" is our
motto.
> We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and
bread
> served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran
into that
> rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance --
does he
> think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty
schnauzer
> from down the road?  Last month there wasn't a male in the
neighborhood who
> couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of
the
> pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

> 5:00pm:  What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my
attention
> to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile.  After several
days
> in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I
rolled in
> the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I
positively
> radiated eau de roadkill.  Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he
doesn't know
> what he's missing.

> 6:00pm:  Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul
mood,
> made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed
me
> several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too,
became
> drenched, and in the end he was shivering.  Why in the world does he
do
> stuff like this?

> 9:00pm:  Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever
anyone's
> home.  Ah, the life of a dog.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Kim Beverl » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 13:13:59


Thats terrific! Can I have permission to cross post to a Lab list I'm on?
Cheers

--
Kim, Pirate Labradors
Sutton ON Canada

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Ty » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 17:42:40


Being new, who is this a**hole Howe?  Or did I miss the humor of it?  Just
another troll or someone with a peculiarity of humor.

Ty


Quote:
> Thats terrific! Can I have permission to cross post to a Lab list I'm on?
> Cheers

> --
> Kim, Pirate Labradors
> Sutton ON Canada

-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
-----==  Over 80,000 Newsgroups - 16 Different Servers! =-----
 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by javala » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 21:37:04


you're right, just another troll.
just killfile him and candace, a bot.
andrea


Quote:
> Being new, who is this a**hole Howe?  Or did I miss the humor of it?  Just
> another troll or someone with a peculiarity of humor.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Juli Je » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 22:46:25


Hi Ty,

First, let me say "welcome aboard" this NG!  Yes, Jerry Howe is a troll
and your life would be much more pleasant and less stressful if you
simply add him to your killfile.  There is certainly no humor in this
mental case.  

Quote:

> Being new, who is this a**hole Howe?  Or did I miss the humor of it?  Just
> another troll or someone with a peculiarity of humor.

> Ty

--

Juli Jer

.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._
Dogs and hedgehogs
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Mora » Fri, 14 Dec 2001 23:59:26


LOL

Absolutely lovely and gave me the best giggle I've had all day :))))))))

--
Morag (still smiling)



Quote:
>*A dog's Diary *

>5:30am:  Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper hitting
>the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the
>paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house
>was yet awake!  I roused my master by***ing him in the face.  He appeared
>very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms.
>His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is
>I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though:  He didn't go into
>work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking
>coffee.
>He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

>7:30am:  Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their yard,
>obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house.  Snarling and barking, I
>let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from
>limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion.
>This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn.  My master
>added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the people
>couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

>10:00am:  I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying
>had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It's not easy being a dog.

>1:00pm:  I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it's true he
>left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me
>on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd
>skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth.  The roast
>was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don't want to seem
>ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my
>idea of a delicacy.

>2:00pm:  Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was
>furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my
>present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris
>and raving in a most irrational fashion.  I'm sorry, but he should know that
>I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began rolling up
>a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door,
>which was fortunately open just a crack.

>4:00pm:  Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I was
>able to mark territory for two blocks.  "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto.
>We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread
>served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran into that
>rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he
>think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer
>from down the road?  Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who
>couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the
>pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

>5:00pm:  What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention
>to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile.  After several days
>in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I rolled in
>the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively
>radiated eau de roadkill.  Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know
>what he's missing.

>6:00pm:  Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul mood,
>made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me
>several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became
>drenched, and in the end he was shivering.  Why in the world does he do
>stuff like this?

>9:00pm:  Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's
>home.  Ah, the life of a dog.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Jim, Amy & Charli » Sat, 15 Dec 2001 10:48:44


oh certainly...I got it in an email and was just passing it on to you guys.

I thought it would amuse. I'm most glad it did :). Charlie didn't understand
what was so funny about it though....why we would laugh at a normal dog
routine.


Quote:
> Thats terrific! Can I have permission to cross post to a Lab list I'm on?
> Cheers

> --
> Kim, Pirate Labradors
> Sutton ON Canada

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by John » Sat, 15 Dec 2001 15:39:52


Very Good!  I'm always wondering what's going through their minds during the
day   :-)   Thanks!



Quote:
> *A dog's Diary *

> 5:30am:  Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper
hitting
> the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the
> paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house
> was yet awake!  I roused my master by***ing him in the face.  He
appeared
> very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his
arms.
> His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it
is
> I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though:  He didn't go into
> work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and
drinking
> coffee.
> He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

> 7:30am:  Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their
yard,
> obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house.  Snarling and barking,
I
> let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from
> limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion.
> This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn.  My master
> added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the
people
> couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

> 10:00am:  I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying
> had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It's not easy being a dog.

> 1:00pm:  I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it's true
he
> left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for
me
> on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd
> skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth.  The
roast
> was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don't want to seem
> ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly
my
> idea of a delicacy.

> 2:00pm:  Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was
> furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my
> present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other
debris
> and raving in a most irrational fashion.  I'm sorry, but he should know
that
> I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began rolling
up
> a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door,
> which was fortunately open just a crack.

> 4:00pm:  Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I was
> able to mark territory for two blocks.  "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto.
> We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and
bread
> served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran into
that
> rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he
> think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer
> from down the road?  Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood
who
> couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the
> pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

> 5:00pm:  What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my
attention
> to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile.  After several
days
> in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I rolled
in
> the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I
positively
> radiated eau de roadkill.  Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't
know
> what he's missing.

> 6:00pm:  Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul mood,
> made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me
> several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became
> drenched, and in the end he was shivering.  Why in the world does he do
> stuff like this?

> 9:00pm:  Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever
anyone's
> home.  Ah, the life of a dog.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by John » Sat, 15 Dec 2001 15:44:54


Quote:

> Being new, who is this a**hole Howe?  Or did I miss the humor of it?  Just
> another troll or someone with a peculiarity of humor.

     Welcome!

     Is he still posting here? Isn't this "killfile" thing great? You really
have to try it :-) It makes APDL a much nicer place.

 
 
 

A Dog's Diary

Post by Lori » Tue, 18 Dec 2001 13:36:13


ROFLMAO!!

(And the pups don't understand why!)

--
~ Lori
And Jack, Sasha, Rufus, Millie, and Joey

The crew: http://www.moonsgarden.com/
Give a dog a home!  http://www.moonsgarden.com/



Quote:
> *A dog's Diary *

> 5:30am:  Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper
hitting
> the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the
> paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house
> was yet awake!  I roused my master by***ing him in the face.  He
appeared
> very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his
arms.
> His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it
is
> I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though:  He didn't go into
> work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and
drinking
> coffee.
> He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

> 7:30am:  Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their
yard,
> obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house.  Snarling and barking,
I
> let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from
> limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion.
> This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn.  My master
> added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the
people
> couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

> 10:00am:  I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying
> had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It's not easy being a dog.

> 1:00pm:  I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it's true
he
> left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for
me
> on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd
> skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth.  The
roast
> was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don't want to seem
> ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly
my
> idea of a delicacy.

> 2:00pm:  Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was
> furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my
> present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other
debris
> and raving in a most irrational fashion.  I'm sorry, but he should know
that
> I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began rolling
up
> a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door,
> which was fortunately open just a crack.

> 4:00pm:  Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I was
> able to mark territory for two blocks.  "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto.
> We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and
bread
> served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran into
that
> rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he
> think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer
> from down the road?  Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood
who
> couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the
> pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

> 5:00pm:  What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my
attention
> to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile.  After several
days
> in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I rolled
in
> the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I
positively
> radiated eau de roadkill.  Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't
know
> what he's missing.

> 6:00pm:  Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul mood,
> made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me
> several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became
> drenched, and in the end he was shivering.  Why in the world does he do
> stuff like this?

> 9:00pm:  Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever
anyone's
> home.  Ah, the life of a dog.