[Huge white and grey tabby walks to the podium, furs shining under the
Jellicle moon and the rays of the rising sun. He is supported by his
brofur Fred, by his sisfur-in-paw Willow, and by his brofurs-in-paw Oz
and Voodoo. His paws tremble as he glances at a ragged piece of paper,
spattered with tears.]
Mine kitten, Clyde Albert Gump, hadda badbad start inna lif, a gudgud
middull, ana nough I'ze afrayed hez had a badbad end.
He wuz born onna May 28, 2004, inna howse ware peeple didnt valu catz.
Da kidz playd wif him ana frew him aginst da wall. Da groanupz tuk him
tu TED cuz he wuz inna coma ana wantid him sint tu da Bridj but da TED
sed jist sine him offur tu me ana I will du whutz best fur him atta no
Wall, wen meowma went tu get mine sisfur Laura'z ashiz a seffural
weekz latur, she told TED dat sumdeigh she wud lik anuffur speshull
needz cat ana TED brot owt Clyde, onlee deigh called him Forrest.
Mewma added teerz uv joi to da teerz uv sorrough she wuz sheddin ana
brot Clyde home.
Clyde wuz brane-damajed ana wud wobble wen he walked ana sumtimez run
inna circuls, but he neffur let dat stop him. He luffed to run ana
plai ana xplore. But most uv all, he luffed hiz mom -- ummm, dat wud
be me. Yew see, his damajed brane didnt kno dat big boycatz cant be
momcatz. He wud tri tu nurse onna mine armpit ana I wud let him, effun
aftur he wuz alla groan up. I wuz prowd tu be hiz mom. I washt hiz
eerz ana tried tu raze him likka gudmom wud.
Cyde bekame a big Orangeman, but he wuz alweighz a kitten at hart.
Lif wuz *** gud. We wur happee. Clyde liked tu ressle wif Fred ana
wud let Alice wash hiz eerz. He effun tried to plai with Jane Grey,
dough she wuznt much fur plaing.
Den came a deigh diz May wen meowma put uz inna catjailcaj fur a
longmilez trip tu TED inna bigbig cittee. We rode inna catjailcaj
tugeffur. Aftur TED sed we wur bof helfy ana stuk uz wif needullz, we
went tu meowma'z huminboykitten's new houzeplaze inna cittee ana
huminz went owt fur fud ana entertainmint. Wile deigh wur gon, Clyde
wantid tu xplore. I tole him not tu [sob] but he gotta howsedoor opin
ana went inna OWT.
Wen da huminz got hom, I tole dem Clyde wuz OWT ana dey seerched fur
him. Dey fownd him wunse, but he wuz skared ana tried tew tare
meowma's fase off ana she cudnt hold him. We stayed fur deighz
seerchin and puttin up postirz, but we neffur saw sine uv him.
Meowma sez she hatez hurself fur betrayin him ana I can onlee wish I
hadda sat onna him ana not let him OWT. But we cant chanj fingz.
Clyde, mineownkitten, iffn yewr bodee iz not alife, yewr spirit
abidez. I luff yew.
Ralph de Ralf, griefstricken
with Fred, Alice, Jane, Ricky, Mary, and Judith joining him in
and the humin Gabrielle who is sobbing as she types