We haf made it to Teksus frum Catifurrnia! We had all sortz uv problems wif
da phonetalkyfingy gettin' konnected here so we cud get back online, plus we
gottid delayed by da pootre not wurkin' rite, but it'z all wurkin' now.
We wuz *** eggsited 'bowt owrz trip until we fownd owt we kittiez had to
go inna karrierz inna metalmonster! "No way!" sez us. Fingz were bein'
packed up at owrz howse, an' one morning when Maman got owt uv da
showerwatermonsterz deyre wuz a nok-nok onna door. She yelled to Mr. Alex
"dey iz erlee!" an' told da hoomin owtside to wait while she gottid some
klothes on. Den alla dese hoomins came in an' stole alla owrz furrnichur
an' stuff to hide unner inna klositz an' stuff owtta da kitchin an'
e***fing! Deyre were HUNNERDS uv hoomins in owrz howse!
[Simba note: uh, Chance dahlin', y'all gettin' eggsited. Deyre were maybe
fyf or six hoomins, kowntin' da nise lady inna kitchin packin' who I almost
bribed fur a treet befur Maman lokked us inna bafroom.]
SO, az I wuz sayin'....dey stole alla owrz stuff eggsept sum blankies, some
pillows, two sootkases, an' da dredded karrierz. Maman an' Mr. Alex wenttid
owt to do sum "last minnit stuff", den came home an' slept onna floor inna
blankiez wif us! It wuz grayt, Simba slept between dem cuz dey wuz sharin'
da blankiez fur softness onna hardhard floor, an' I slept curled up next to
Maman's non-Simba-an'-Alex side. We wuz shap-er-oh-ns, we wuz. [le smirk!]
Day wun started owt reelee gud. We woked up Maman an' Mr. Alex to get owrz
brekfast ON TIME fur wuns, can y'all beleef it?? Dis wuz cuz dey was onna
floor an' we walked all ofur dem. Maman wuzzn't sleepin' *** well
ennywayz, cuz da floor wuzzn't soft like herz bed. Da hoominz took deyre
showermonsters, den started taykin' more stuff owt of owrz howse. We wuz
like "what are we gonna live wif? Karpit? Where y'all taykin' dat?" WELL,
too soon we fownd owt! Da karrierz came owt uv da klosit, where dey had
been hidin', an' we gottid some AWFUL stuff put down owrs throwts to make us
sleepy an' were unsereemoneuslee STUFT inna karrierz. Da nerf!
Immeedeeutlee I started to protest. "Nonono, let moi OWT!" Simba, he wuz
no help. He sniffysniffied 'rownd, den layd down fur a nap. Duh!
[Simba note: well, Maman purromised we wuzzn't goin' to da TED, an' cuz she
browt me home frum da kittyjayl I figgered I cud trust her. So I just thot
I'd take a little nap...]
We were inna Metalmonster furEFUR, it seemed. Maman wuz tawkin' to us while
Mr. Alex told da metalmonster where to go, den Maman drove an' Mr. Alex
took a nap. Rownd 'bowt El Ay, I deesided I had ENUF uv da karrier an'
wantid OWT. Beesides, we wuz drivin' rite past da home uv famous kittiez
an' deyre star hoominz, an' not efen stoppin'. But -n-o-, we wuzzn't
stoppin' an' Maman wuzzn't lettin' moi owt. We drove an' drove an' drove
until we gottid to da biggest litterbox I haf EFUR seen, Maman sez it'z a
dezzert in Catifurrnia but moi, *I* know a 'box when I see wun!
We kept drivin' an' drivin' till we gottid to Areezonah, where Maman an' Mr.
Alex were tryin' to figgur owt which came furst (no not da chikin or da
eggie), Feeniks or Toosawn. Mr. Alex thot it wuz Toosawn, an' y'all wud
fink he knew since he drove TO Catifurrnia frum N'awlins. But Maman wuz
rite an' it wuz Feenix, where I finallee started showtin'
"Lemmeeowtlemmeeowtlemmeeowt, I GOTTA PEE!" Simba wuz hungree, an' da
hoominz were tired, so we gottid a room atta Raddisun Hotel. Dey were ***
nice to us, an' browt fud fur Maman an' Mr. Alex rite to da room. But we
kittiez wurrunt too shur 'bowt dat room, it didn't smell like home an' we
were *** nervus. We ated inna bafroom, while we watched Maman go potty
[Maman note: they wouldn't leave me for a second, so I had to "go" in front
of them! This happens a lot chez nous, I think they are afraid I'll fall
[Simba note: I stayed up most uv da nite, lukkin' at Feenix thru da slider
doors in owrz room. Whatta nice citee! Lotsa twinkly lites, an' inna
morning while Chance wuz still sleepin' wif Maman, I saw EEGUL chicks onna
balkonee! I wuz behind da drapes, tawkin' to dem, when Maman woke up an'
said "whatcha doin??" Den we gottid more fud, some luvs, an' more
"NO! NOT GONNA GO BACK INNA KARRIER! NO!" I wuz screamin', an' Maman just
wuddn't listen. Simba went in pretty gud, whatta wimp. I fink he LIKES da
karrier. Back inna car, an' boy wuz it HOT y'all! Maman put towels ovur
owrz karrierz cuz da sun wuz makin' us hot an' kinda feelin' sick. She left
da front part uncovured so she cud luk at us an' we cud luk at her, or glare
at her like I did most uv da way akross Areezonah an' Mew Meksiko. Maman
gottid burnt on herz arm frum da sun, an' she gottid all red an' crabby too,
just like a reel crab! Deyre iz nuffin' in Areezonah or Mew Meksiko but
kitty litter, sum kaktussiz, an' lotsa road called "Innerstayt10").
DEN IT HAPPENED! Maman wuz goin' wild wif da
cameraflashinblindlightindaeyesfingy! We gottid to....da border uv TEKSUS!
YAY! Deyre wuz much rejoysin' in owrz metalmonster. I sed "hey, we are in
Teksus, kin we get OWT now?" Maman still sed "no, petite, lay down an' be
gud". [le huff!] We wuz in El Pazoh, where y'all kin see Meksiko right
ofur onna othur side uv da street! Meksiko iz where hoominz drink lotsa
niparitaz, Maman's favorite drink, we fink.
[Simba note: we drove an' drove an' drove some more, an' every howr Chance
wud make a rukus in herz karrier an' get her claws stuck inna door or herz
paddin' twisted up or herz nose all banged up. Silly sisfur. We drove on
down towards San Antonee-oh, an' when we wuz more den hafway deyre frum El
Pazoh da hoomins deesided to stop fur anofur nite. We gottid a motel room
dat we da kittiez liked better, fur sum reesun. Chance slept on toppa da
coverz uv Maman's bed (deyre were two), an' I slept UNNER da covurs wif
Woke up reel erlee an' helped Maman make us brekfast, go potty, an' take a
showermonsters while Mr. Alex wuz still sleepin'. He gottid up, took a
showermonsters (he wuddn't let us inna bafroom so we don't know if he went
potty), an' went to get sum brekfast fud fur hoomins frum da main part uv da
motel. Maman called us, an' we were smart---we hid unner da bed! But she
took alla da stuff owt to da metalmonster, an' we gottid so cyooreeus dat we
came owt to see her, an' BOOM she put us inna karrierz! Dammit, foiled
agin. At leest deyre wuz no medisin...
[Simba note: ...which turned owt to be a *** bad idear fur Chance. She
gottid all upset right 'bowt da time we passt San Antonee-oh, an' wuz
bangin' her hed away onna karrier like she wuz a rock-an-roll danser. Maman
wuz tryin' to calm her down, wuz hangin' into da backseet wif us frum da
front, an' Mr. Alex wuz gettin' upset cuz it wuz rainin' an' it wuz dangerus
fur Maman to sit dat way. Suddenlee, Maman sed "Alex, yew gotta pull ofur,
Chance has made her nose bleed!" We gottid offa da hiway (a noo wun called
"Eye 35"), an' parked onna side uv a siderowd. Maman hadda take Chance owt
(she wuz FINALLEE happy, Chance wuz), put a leesh on her, an' take her inna
front seet. Chance wuz bleedin' like crazee, Maman got it to stop den gave
Chance sum medisin! Oh dat made her mad (Chance, not Maman). Tawk 'bowt
***y Kitty mode da rest uv da way!]
Well, I wuz TIRED uv da metalmonster. I wantid to be DEYRE, alreddee. I
still don't know why we didn't telepurrt! But we gottid to Awstun, an'
since we came frum da sowf an' owrz 'partment wuz onna norf, we hadda drive
all thru da citee. Nice plays!
Da noo 'partment peeple were *** nice, an' we gottid inside after Maman
hawled bof Simba an' moi up three flyts uv stairs to da WRONG building, bak
down, an' back up to da RITE building. She was crabbin' dat Simba wuz heavy
an' wiggly! We gottid in, gottid OWT, an' da karrierz went inna kloset fur
At furst we didn't like dis plays at all, tho. No sir, we didn't like it.
It smelled funny. It wuz *** BIG, an' didn't haf none uv owrz stuff!
Simba spend da three dayz befur da furrnichur gottid here unnerneaf a blanky
onna floor, he wuzzn't comin' owt fur nuffin' but fud. Moi, I eggsplored,
an' deesided I luv it here. 'Speshullee inna fireplays, which has no fire
but has lotsa black gunk which stuck on mine nose fur two whole weeks! I
wuz Grubby Kitty fur a long time.
Da furrnichur finalee gottid here, 'long wif Maman'z metalmonster. Dis BIG
skwaremetalmonster called a "truk" ated da furrnichur an' Maman'z
metalmonster in Catifurrnia, came to Teksus, den hurked dem back owt. Not
bad! An' Maman didn't use da "Formyoolah fowrohnine karpit kleener" on dem,
efen tho they gottid hurked back up.
Deyrez lotsa fun stuff here, deyre are MENNY klosits to eggsplore, windows
to sleep in, an' two big halls to run in. We onlee reelee run inna hall by
Maman'z room, tho, not Mr. Alex's, cuz onlee Maman knows how to play
"QWIET!" wif us at fowr inna ay em. We also got two bafroomz, two tubs, a
shower, an' a HYOOJ kichin in which we praktis owrz mowsiehockee skills.
Durin' da day, deyre are menny birdies inna trees dat we kin see rite owt da
windows or owt da glassdoors to da balkonee, an' inna tree by da livin'room
deyre is a cupple uv treerats dat we hunt thru da glassdoors. An' last
weekend we gottid to go inna OWT wif Maman, onna balkonee, but onlee fur a
minnit cuz it's HOT here an' Maman iz still afraid we iz gonna jump offa da
balkonee. She finkz we gotta be trained, but SHEZ gotta be trained to take
us inna OWT more often.
Now dat da phonetawkyfingy an' da pootre are wurkin', we kin also haf y'all
telepurrt down here fur a partee to see owrz noo home. Ennyfur wanna come
down to Teksus fur some barbykew, icekold niparitaz, an' some chilled
Pounces? If so, let us know an' we'll call S&S to plan da partee!
Fangz fur alla wellwishez anna purrz, ...
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