Classic Cat Diary
The human obsession with New Year's Resolutions interests me,
which is strange because most human resolutions aren't worth
what's in a cat's litter box.But Mew Year's Resolutions ...
now, there is a way for a cat to set the house in order for the
coming year.I'll try it.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Never eat the cat food I spill on the
floor.Humans are around, they can clean it up.If they can't
put it in the center of the bowl, it's their problem.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Not eat just anything the Big Owner lays
out for me.I will do my best to hold out for superior brands of
food ... like Haagen Dazs.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Never cough up hairballs in different parts
of the house.I'll wait until the dead of night and lay them out
on the carpet next to the Big Owner's bed ... to watch him step
in it first thing in the morning.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Extend the freshness of my cat box by using
it only half the time.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Never push items off the headboard on to
the Big Owner's head while he is sleeping ... unless, of course,
he is sleeping in late.Then all bets are off.Late is defined
as anything after my new 5:30 a.m. feeding time.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Avoid the Vet.I will never again fall for
the lure-me-in-to-the-carrying-case-with kitty-treats trick
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Purr.Owners love it when cats purr.I
will purr as loudly as possible in my Big Owner's ear -- most
often at 3 a.m. when he is trying to sleep and I am bored.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Drive the Owners crazy trying to figure out
if I want to go 'in' or 'out' the door each morning.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Act more disinterested than ever in human
activities.This will mean adding two additional hours to my
sleep schedule every day.It's going to be tough but someone has
to lead by example.
I HEREBY RESOLVE TO:Act less human than ever this year by
KEEPING all of my resolutions.
It was a good day.
From CAT DIARY...Excerpts From my Cat's Diary
Copyright 1998, Mark Mason, All Rights Reserved